Without a doubt, love is the universal language, not just a chemical reaction in our brains. In his book “
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts“, Gary Chapman affirms that there are five general ways to express love.
In a world with such variety of beautiful people with so many different life perspectives, different beliefs, different nationalities and educational backgrounds, chances are that the way that you understand and express love is different from your loved one’s.
I had to learn this the hard way, but you don’t have to. I wish I’d known and understood The 5 Love Languages one year sooner… But is never too late to learn so I want to share this with you because your relationship may still have a chance.
Sometimes we don’t feel loved by our partners and it’s because we express love in the same way we feel loved instead of expressing it in the way that they feel loved.
The 5 Love Languages
Words of Affirmation
This language uses words to affirm other people. Actions may not always speak louder than words. For some of us unsolicited compliments mean the world. And hearing the words “I Love You” is important because the reasons behind that love send our spirits skyward. But insults will shatter our hearts and are not easily forgotten.
Spoken compliments or words of appreciation are very powerful communicators of love. All of us have areas in which we feel insecure and hearing encouraging words will inspire courage in us. Maybe you or your spouse have a sleeping potential waiting to hear some encouraging words that will help you conquer the world.
Acts of Service
For some people, actions do speak louder than words. Can doing the laundry really be an expression of love?Absolutely! lesson learned 😉
Anything we do to ease the burden on an “acts of service” person will go a long way. For them the words “Let me do that for you” speak louder than “I love you”. Being lazy or procrastinating, breaking commitments and creating more work for them. Tells them that their feelings don’t matter. Just as much as insults shatter the heart of a “Words of Affirmation” person. This doesn’t mean that you should become a servant out of guilt, the acts of service are acts of love.
For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift. For them, receiving a gift means that their partner pays attention to them. It means that he/she took the time to look for the perfect gift that shows such attention. But don’t mistake this with materialism. Something as simple as a flower on their birthday could save your relationship.
The receiver of gifts thrives not on the gift itself. But on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. To them the perfect gift shows that they are known and cared for.
Not always the receiver of gifts expects a tangible material gift that can only be bought. Something that you make for them with your own two hands can have the same effect. Physical presence in time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give.
But the gift is a token, a symbol that says “look, he was thinking of me” or “she remembered me”.
Nothing says “I Love You”, like full undivided attention to some of us. Being there for this type of person is critical. But really being there, with the TV off, slow eating, the chores and tasks on standby. This makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. No cellphones, distractions, postponed dates or failure to listen. These can be specially hurtful.
This doesn’t mean “Netflix and Chill“. This is about taking a walk just the two of you and looking at each other while talking.
Quality time tells us that the other person is genuinely interested in what we have to say. In sharing our thoughts and feelings, it calls for sympathetic listening. And openness to understanding the other person’s desires. Advise will always be welcome but never in a condescending way.
To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch. This language isn’t all about the bedroom. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder or face. All these show excitement, concern, care and love. While neglect and abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
The lifelines for the Physical Touch person are holding hands, kissing hugs and sex. these expressions are their primary love language.
Touch, hug and kiss each other before you leave the house and you get back, it will speak volumes.
If you are not feeling loved by your spouse or partner and that your relationship has no fix, share this post with them, sit down over a cup of coffee and discuss the The 5 Love Languages, learn to understand each other’s needs. After all, being in a relationship is about learning from each other. Be open to the The 5 Love Languages and remember this African proverb:
However long the night… the dawn will break.
Which is your love language?
Share in the comments section below.
I am a “words of affirmation and quality time” type of person 😉 and you?